Grr!


So when I went on vacatioin I totally lost track! But on the last day I go it back oh yeah. Ana came through. I had to eat a big breakfast around 500 calories because my family the kind of people that won’t shut the fu&* up if you don’t clean your plate. I didn’t eat again. My family went to a chinese buffette.

   The temptation was there! But I didn’t eat a thing! Im so proud!! I just had water. I figured over vacay that if I hate the bloated about-to-pop feeling of being full then I love the dizzy empty feeling of being well, empty. I know I want to be thin and gorgeous! But I had a food addiction and stopping cold turkey is hard but, Its worth it. I google thinspo pics on my phone to stop me and if I get hungry at home I take a nap or read 25 pages of a book. Today I’ve had 120 calories. I ate bacon. This is what happens when a fatty goes ana! Im going to go work out. Oh yeah and I got my first subscriber WOOHOOO!

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  1. #1 by Aura on July 24, 2011 - 5:25 pm

    Well you keep going…..
    Oh crap, Im getting this weird feeling in my stomach and I know its my morals tugging and nagging at me to say the following….Although I TOTALLY get where you are coming from, I feel I need to also tell you about me …. I am a / was a recovering anorexic. I had no strong desire to become an anorexic, I didnt go looking for pro ana sites and this notion of ‘thinspiration’…it just happened to me. I had no control over the move to university, the move to new surroundings, the step up to a new level of academia and competition – the only thing i felt i could control was my weight so i controlled it. I was so ill. So ill. I looked f***ing awesome though – I wont lie to you. I did look damn good untill i lost a little more and a little more and then i just looked like s**t. Socialising was a nightmare because I didnt want to drink, that was packed with calories and with being intoxicated meant my inhibitions and rules went out of the window and I would end up hammered with a massive portion of chips / kebabs / burgers etc. I remember having wars in my own head when someone would place something in front of me to eat – I would manage the most fantastic articulate conversation and yet be in a war zone, 2 voices screaming and shouting at each other so i did not eat that damn teeny weeny bit of food (think of a small piece of chocolate). Look I can go on and on and tell you more, Its a terrible curse to embrace angel, so dont do it……When you try and get better (and unless you want to die one day, even if it is years from now, you will decide one day that you want to eat), it is a complete nightmare. Your body just packs and packs on the pounds, you go from being 6 stones 2 pounds one day to 7 stones in 48 hours – it is THAT s**t. And you have to keep eating because you are trying to get better so you bear it, eat 1000 cals per day exercise everyday and still the pounds keep piling on, Its disgusting. Right now Im the size i was before anorexia got its grips into me (8/10 at age 15) and i feel MASSIVE. utterly disgusting. F***KS your head up so if you are not in the grasps of anorexia yet i would really urge you to back away.
    But if you are already there then tell me more about your ABC diet and how it is going. Im starting it tomorrow 🙂

    • #2 by bassdownlow on July 26, 2011 - 4:16 pm

      Yes well Im not to deep in to it but since getting involved its changed how I see things. Like I used to think girls that are not nescassarily thin but not Beyonce curvy looked good but now I think their kinda fat! Also I want to lose weight before highschool but even after I plan to continue.
      I’ve tried the healthy way and it didn’t work well. I have my dad in my ear all the time saying im greedy and I can’t stop eating and if he can see that when he only sees me at the most 6 hours a day if that then Im a greedy cow. He used to call me fat but I stopped eating infront of him and said I wasn’t hungry all the time so I guess he quit cause he felt bad. And as for the ABC diet I totally quit. Having a set calorie amount screws me up. I aim for 500 or less but today Im going for minimal. If I can get away with it I won’t eat at all but my dad always ask if I want some lunch and Im running out of excuses and he sees right through it . School starts on the 22nd or August but I go clothes shopping

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